Get over it.

I decided not to act on it. 

I went on past experiences and just realised that it would not be worth the risk. If I took the chance and told him - I could have lost a lot more than just our friendship. So, I quietly try and forget about him, and focus my attention on someone else. 

Not as easy as it sounds in a sea of couples. It seems as though EVERYONE is with someone these days. I'm envious of that. I hate how the last two occasions that I have been with someone it ended before it really got serious. Now don't get me wrong. Being single definitely  has it's high points too - but, I think it is fair to say that I am much happier when I'm in a relationship. 

I don't know what this drive in me is. But for some reason I always have to have 'someone' there. Y'know, a bit of potential interest. I wish I could understand why. Maybe it's an insecurity, perhaps just wanting attention - maybe even both. I just liked to be liked. 

So anyway, there is a 'new boy' on the scene but I'm not really sure what I think about this one. I'm thrown off by all the mixed signals. One minute we're walking back through the streets of manhattan, arm in arm, wearing his scarf - the next I'm being ignored. What's that about? 

I do like this guy. He's very sweet and I need someone who is genuinely nice for once. But I honestly don't know what he thinks about me. I'm used to being chased - not chasing someone. So this is new to me and I suck at it. It's so hard. I don't know weather I'm meant to back off a bit and play it cool, or get right in there while I have the chance(?) Eugh. Why is it so hard? 

More shall be posted about this soon.

I refuse to swing back in to the habit of exes. I've been in touch with one recently and have discussed meeting up for coffee. Today I actually thought that I missed him. Bad. Bad. Bad. This boy is bad news. He was seriously not good for me. No, not X - another one. Who was in some ways actually worse than X. I will never forgive X for what he did, but at least he was honest about everything and didn't leave me in the dark. Unlike this other guy who left me wondering for weeks on end if the relationship was going to last.

Turns out it didn't.

And I am not going to put myself through that again.

So yes, I need to focus my attention on the newer, NICER boy. Like I said, I don't really know what I'm doing. But everything happens for a reason doesn't it....?

Hm.