Just to recap. I have an absolutely awesome friendship with N, we've known each other for years and last summer we started hanging out and getting close. I sensed some chemistry when I was chilling with him at Cait's party, but I was too caught up with X to do anything about it. Besides, N was also into someone else. Turns out that when I broke up with X, N had just made his relationship official with this other girl. Over time I became more and more gutted because I still liked him, and I soon realised he is exactly what I am looking for in a guy, and I genuinely have feelings for him. However, I had to swallow my feelings, and forget about him because there was nothing I could have done.
Nevertheless, last night I went out to a friends and got rather drunk. I came home at stupid o'clock wide awake and decided to check my facebook. God bless facebook. 'N and __ have ended their relationship".
How vindictive that a smile grew across my face at this point. Now is my chance. He wasn't online so I sent him a text telling him that I heard and that I hoped he was okay. He didn't seem too upset which is good, and he said the relationship ended mutually because they never really got to see each other. A couple of texts later he suggested that we hang out soon. I suggested next weekend and plans were formed. I've been chatting to him quite a lot online today, just having a laugh about anything, just like old times. It's been really nice. He genuinely makes me laugh, and now that I have realised that this is the person who I want to be with, I need to focus my attention on a plan.
As far as I can see there is only one obstacle in my way. Another girl. An absolutely stunning girl - who, I swear, could be a model. Yes, she is my only competition I believe. However, she is big competition. Not only is she stunning but she is so kind, and has a brilliant personality. I've never really gotten the chance to know her before, but everything that I have ever heard about her before has been good. I also know that N tried to get with her once before - this was before I was even aware of my feelings for him - but she rejected him. Interesting. Maybe that will put him off? Maybe she's not actually that interested. Or maybe, the thought of him being with someone else has made her want him. Maybe because he HAS been with someone else, he now has the confidence to make a move...
They're going out tonight for someone's birthday. They're going camping. Oh God, oh God.
Is the battle over before it has even begun? Am I making something out of nothing? Was I just handed a glimmer of hope that for once things were going to work out? - then only to have it taken away within seconds?
The way I see it is this:
Tonight, I sit and wait. Wait until tomorrow when I will in theory get the goss. IF I find out that N and this girl hooked up, then I back off, and once more, forget about him.
IF the miracle I am so desperate for comes true - that nothing happens tonight and she's not interested in him - Then next weekend, I shall meet up with him and make sure something happens.
I so want something to happen, but I am apprehensive that it's just going to go wrong for me. Things seem to be doing that a lot lately. It's like some higher force is taunting me with something I want, giving it to me one minute and taking it away the next. I am the cat and what I want is the piece of string.
I hope to God that this works out.
But I fear, and pessimistically believe that it wont.
I am just preparing myself for the worst.
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