Waiting's boring.

He's late. 

He was meant to come over about an hour ago and now I can't even get hold of him. I hope something hasn't happened to him :/ ... I'm sure I'm just over reacting, although I can't quite understand what else he would be doing and why he isn't answering his phone when I spoke to him only an hour ago when he was at the station... Weird right? I hope he's okay, and I hope he turns up soon. Otherwise I'm going to bed 'cause I'm stupidly tired. 

I managed to do quite a lot of art today. Well, not LOADS, but I mean I put a lot of effort in and spent a good few hours working on my sketch book. Man I love Cynthia Von Buhler so much, she's amazing! I'm really hungry. I well haven't eaten enough today but I don't have an appetite either. I refuse to admit that I'm ill, because if I do that I know I'll just feel worse. This is just a blip. Yaaaawn. I'm yawning loads. Y'know those dead big and strained ones that make your eyes water - yeah, that kind. Here comes another one. Argh where is he! 

I don't really understand what's going on but I'm sure I will find out eventually. Every time I hear a car outside I think it's him, and that any minute now I'm going to get a knock at the door or a phone call, but, I'm starting to think that it's not actually going to happen. Hm. Where is my boy? 

Well, enough typing. I'm gonna watch the OC or something. I was reading the Great Gatsby before but it's given me a headache now so a good blast of the tv will so me some good I reckon. Ha, I just realized I'm actually really good at touch typing - I barely look at my keyboard at all anymore. Damn I spend way too much time by my computer... 

Valentines

Yesterday was Thursday 14th Feb', AKA Valentines day. I travelled an hour and a half via two separate trains to see Mr X. I had a most fabulous time with him. All the evening really consisted of was meeting his friends, chilling in a room for 6 hours and smoking several joints. At about 2am we decided to call it a night, and Mr X and I went into his room. We watched some dvds and listened to some music whilst making out - a lot. I'm so into this guy it's untrue. His body is incredible and everything about him just makes my heart flutter. He's coming home tomorrow, probably going to stop over at mine, stick around on Sunday and then come to Reel Big Fish in the evening with me. If all goes according to plan it should work out nicely. I'm anxious about his friend who hates me, I don't want her to jeopardize this relationship. I'm so weary of her, I hate feeling this intimidated. But once more is that she has now joined alliances with another girl, who for no real reason hates me, thus making a nice little double act. (Who are they trying to be, me and Eleanor?!) 

Eugh, my plan is to just keep my head down and keep out of their way. I don't want a fight, I don't want any conflict. I just want to be away from them, far away. Too bad one of them just lives up the road eh? What I don't quite understand is why they're sticking around in Macclesfield. I mean, c'mon really. Now they're older, why wouldn't they want to leave? Macclesfield's a pile of crap! Ha. I can't wait to go to uni, I really can't. I just want to leave this town and everyone who has an issue with me behind. Not too long now. 

So yeah, my main annoyance right now is X's friends and that they happen to hate me. What I don't fully understand is why and how they could possibly hate me when I haven't spoken to either of them in over a year. iuhjwiorjhpiwrjneljojgo;wjg 

It's just annoying. I hope the whole thing will blow over but will it really? Because if it hasn't blown over already, what's saying that it will in the future? They're not the kind of people who are willing to be civil either. Like, I don't exactly want to be friends with them, but at least just civil enough to not be nasty about one another. What are we, four years old? It's pathetic really when you think about it. 

Balls to it. I'm gonna stop typing now because it's getting me nowhere and only more frustrated. I hope everything works out with X, I really do. Because I'm not even kidding when I say that I am really falling for him. He's wonderful. 

Hmmm... What will become of this eh?

I wish I knew.

Complications

I suppose to some extent having "complications" as the title of just one blog entry is a bit biased, as everything I write will always have some form of complication.

Dad's back has gone. Today is Tuesday and it went on Sunday. He is in so much pain and I feel absolutely awful for him. I want to help. I want him to be okay. I want the pain to stop because it hurts me seeing him like this, I don't want him to suffer anymore, he doesn't deserve it.

Yesterday was fantastic. The weather was still gorgeous and I met everyone at the park for a lovely big chill. I had such a wonderful time, we went to Sainsburys and got cakes and things, as well as finding a foot ball and playing around with that for hours. It really did feel like summer, and I loved it. Everyone turned up too! Apart from El who went to the Trafford Centre with her mum instead. It was Rosie, Nathan, Vicky, Caitlin, Eddie, Kayla and myself. Such a lovely little group and we all had a  well good laugh. I left at about 5 ish and got on with my art timeline - which is now completed - in the evening. 

Today I woke up at the hideous hour of 9 o clock, due to having a driving lesson at 10. It went quite well actually, did a few laps around the Tytherington estate, and went up into 4th gear at the end of the lesson. 45 miles an hour! Woo-hoo! 

I got home and dad was still in bed. I fed the dog her Chappy and decided to take her for a walk. Again, the weather today is stunning, and going up on the field, and even driving through the Tythy estate has given me such an uplifting and nostalgic feeling. It's too bad I can't be out like I was yesterday enjoying it, unfortunately I have to work. Sad face. El's coming over this evening though, which'll be nice.. I hope. Because at least then it means that I'm doing something. However I just hope her bad mood and negativity wont bring me down. I'm not in the mood to be manipulated by her pessimism right now. 

Because of dad's back, we're not going to Leicester tomorrow anymore. Which at least means I have another day to do more work, but I was quite looking forward to seeing Sam. He's not coming to Reel Big Fish anymore either 'cause of the amount of work he has to do. I invited X in his place. Speaking of X, on Thursday I am in theory going to see him. That is absolutely terrifying. But, it's gotta be done at some point right? I'm squeeling inside. I am SO nervous words can't actually describe it. I'll be meeting all of his friends, hanging out with them, stopping over, and being judged. Great. If I pass the test then that will make this relationship 10x more brilliant and easier (especially seeing as one of his mates already has it in for me), however if they don't like me, and I don't gel with his lifestyle I'm not so sure this will continue for much longer. Basically everything is dependent on Thursday. No pressure there then.

Shit. 

Anniversary

it was one year ago yesterday when Andy opened my eyes (or should that be ears?) to New Slang. 

the same day that me and Mr X got together. 

Is that like, symbolic, of anything? Hmm.

Wow, one year. Fabulous. 

How good do I feel today? Again, the sun is shining and it looks so stunning outside, immediately lifting my mood. Not that it needed lifting though, as last night I had a most gorgeous time with Mr X. He travelled 4 hours to come and see me, how sweet is that? And when he got here we chilled about a bit, walked up to the lateshop in the freezing cold to get some food, and then snuggled up on the sofa watching futurama, scrubs and south park for the best part of 3 hours. It was so lovely. Then we came upstairs and started youtubing things and snuggling up in bed. I was so tired and so comfy I swear to God I could have fallen asleep in his arms. He left just past midnight, even though I didn't want him to go. The sweetest part of all, was when I was snuggled up so close to him, and we were talking about how many boyfriends and girlfriends we've each had etc. Then he just said, "Ahh I've got a well good idea..." I asked what this 'well good idea' was, and he then asked me, in the cutest tone ever, "do you wanna like.. go out?" ha. Just to clarify I asked, "what, as in like, boyfriend and girlfriend?" he confirmed. And I said, "No." in a jokey way, then quickly changed my mind, "yes, of course I do!" big kiss, big kiss. So. Mr X is now the boyfriend. I'm still going to call him Mr X though, I don't know why, it's just a bit more fun. 

Today. I woke up feeling great. And I still feel great now 4 hours later. I decided to blog my thoughts and feelings and recent happenings just incase I forgot later on. I don't want this memory to be lost. I really need to get on with some work though, my art timeline isn't going to do itself unfortunately. What's worse is that I have now made plans for tomorrow too! So it doesn't look as though I'm going to get much done then either. Although tomorrow will be a good day I hope. In theory, if the weather stays as beautiful as it is now, I'm planning to meet Rosie, Nathan, Caitlin, Kayla, Vicky and possibly El at the park. No doubt half of them wont turn up, but even if it's just me and Rosie it should be nice! I haven't been to west park in longer than forever, and I well need to cherish this weather properly before it goes again.

Anyway, work awaits. No doubt there'll be another entry here soon, when everything has turned bitter and sour. But I shall make the most of things while they are good, because if i can't do that, then what's the point in making things fabulous at all? 

Taste of spring

Saturday. This morning I lay in bed for ages just dozing and enjoying that I didn't have to get up at any particular time. I decided to get up at about 11 and when I walked out onto the landing the sky was pure blue and the sun was blazing. I smile immediately; this is spring. As soon as the weather is better, my mood picks up automatically. It's fabulous. I feel fabulous.

Mr X is in theory coming over today (actually in 10 minutes time) but I haven't yet heard from him, so for all I know he could still be asleep. Either way, if he comes it'll be 

- He just rang me mid type. He'll be over at about 5 ish hopefully. That's good because now it gives me some more time to work. (I love how I was typing about him and then he rang, it's funny how things like that happen...)

I just went outside to tell mum the lasted X update, and it's warm. I'm wearing slippers, jeans and a t-shirt and for the first time in months I wasn't cold. The sun is glowing and casting its beams down onto the grass illuminating it and everything else around. The birds are signing and the smell of freshly cut grass lingers around the air. I am so happy right now.

Still listening to the Pixies, I have been for the past week or so. They are just such a brilliant band. However I think I'm going to put the shins on now due to the fact that "Oh Inverted World" is my offical NICE WEATHER album. It has to be done.

Turn me back into the pet, I was when we met, I was happier then with no mind set.

And if you'd turned to me like a gull takes to the wind, well I'da jumped from my tree, and I'da danced like the king of the eye soars, the rest of our lives would have faired well.

Oh my gosh.

How much does this song mean to me?

If I got a tattoo, any tattoo, it would be at the bottom of my back and it would say, "New Slang."

If I had to have a soundtrack to my life, any soundtrack, it would be, "New Slang."

And If I could marry a song, any song in the whole world, it would be, "New Slang."

Please, someone, make sure this is played at my funeral. 

I can assure you, this will not be the last you hear about this song.  

Friday the 8th. Finally, it is half term. I say finally as if this term has gone on for too long but it hasn't actually been too bad. Christmas feels like yesterday. I have a really bad headache and I'm absolutely knackered. I'm listening to New Found Glory and that made me think of Andy. I need to see him soon. The amount of work I've got to get on with this holiday is ridiculous. And despite the fact that I said I would get on with some tonight, I can't see that happening, as my head is killing me. I'm going to the cinema tonight as well. Picking El up at 6ish then meeting Katy in Stockport. 

Jyl's going skiing this half term for the whole week so I'm not going to see much of her, if any at all. That's a shame as we get on really well at the moment. However, I guess in some sense it is a good thing as I really need to get on with art, theatre and english lit. Woo-hoo. Gold Lion's gonna tell me where the light is. 

I'm rambling. Because I feel ill and apathetic and can't be bothered being positive right now. I may or may not be seeing Mr X tomorrow, dependent on whether he comes back to Macc or not. It would be nice to see him, I miss him even though it was only Wednesday when I last saw him. Is that a good thing?

I'm going to Leicester at some point, Wednesday I think. That'll be good, I might end up stopping over at Sam's. It'd be cool if I did, and nice to see how his life works up there, but if i did stay I probably wouldn't do any work on Thursday, and as we have established - I can't really afford to waste time right now. 

Thursday... Hmm. Thursday is Valentines Day. Now, what are my plans for that? I would find it absolutely adorable if I spent it with X, but I can't see that happening somehow due to his busy schedule. I need to see Andy at some point too, like I said. But, would it be weird if I saw him on Thursday? I hate this complication. It would also be adorable to see him then, but, I don't know. Part of me thinks it's just not worth the complication. 

Reel Big Fish is a week on Sunday. Damn that's come around fast. Everyone is going to be at that gig, I think it's been sold out by the whole of my friend foundation and +1's. Should be good though, I'll see Andy then if not earlier in the week. I'll see the ex too. Which, will be nice I guess. I haven't seen him since we broke up and we've left the situation on friendly terms, so I suppose to some extent it will be good to see an "old friend" again. 

My room is absolutely freezing. Although having said that, the whole house is freezing. I am aware that it is February but it really needs to start getting warmer now. Roll on spring AND ROLL ON SUMMER. Oh my goodness I cannot wait 'til May/June. Everything (once exams are over) shall start to pick up then. Weather, places to go, people to see, things to do. Summer changes everything. Suddenly the feeling of freedom is released and ooooooh Leeds Festival! Fabulous, absolutely fabulous. 

That's something to look forward to then. Not that I wasn't already...

Well that was very exiting. 

I have no real recent events that are of interest right now. But without a doubt I will have within the next week or so. My life seems to be so unpredictable right now, who knows what's going to happen next. Currently seeing a gorgeous boy who I shall name Mr X. However, whilst I get on ever so well with X, there are underlying problems beneath his fantastic exterior. To start with there is the issue of drugs, and the issue of one of his friends who happens to, well, hate me. Hah, great set up really isn't it? No, I do not do drugs, nor will I ever. And as much as it bugs me that this chick hates me, I would do anything to put things right. I am not one to hold a grudge in the slightest. Things between us seem great though, the chemistry and the sparks between us are awesome. It's only been a couple of weeks or so but this boy is my new addiction. Alas, now I am going to straighten my hair, search for my copy of Death Of A Salesman due to the fact that I have an essay to write on it at some point, and, in theory, get an early night too. 

Oh yeah, it's lent now. This officially means that I am eating healthy. Or, healthier, as Jyl told me to say earlier. This way it sounds less like I am dieting, and more like I can enjoy little treats every now and again too. I really should join the gym. I'm not really overly worried about my weight, but I am about my health. I literally do no exercise whatsoever, and that cannot be good in the long run. Dad has high cholesterol and there's every chance it runs within the family. An hour a day on a treadmill can't do much harm can it? Pluss, it'll give me some time to actually finish reading The Great Gatsby too. Probably worth it. 

Probably. 

Experimental

It's Thursday and the time is 21:36, and as you can probably tell - I'm really, really bored. So I had a look at this old website I used to checkout religiously and realized that it was on blogspot.com, and after trying to make an account on here once before- and failing - I decided to give it another shot. Still, I am new to this, and right now I'm just experimenting around with buttons and things... 

So, as a slight introduction, the point to this site is for my own self purpose of "mind vomit". Now, instead of clogging up my hard drive with word files titled, "Mind Vomit, 1, 2 and 3", I can just cram all my thoughts right here, on the internet. How fabulous. 

Yes, I am a 17 year old girl. I have a lot of irrational thoughts and need to find ways to channel my repented anger. Writing seems to work a treat. :)