I'll still be chasing you;
I feel alive, you are my ecstasy it's you that I'm craving.
I feel alive, you are my energy so why do you hate me?
I, holding you, holding you close to me you were my angel.
I, lost control. You were my enemy, now you're my friend.
It's been a long, long time since I wrote here last. Things have changed. I hooked up with N briefly, but nothing really came of it. It felt strange. He's been a mate for so long that when we kissed it was just like...what? Unnatural. It wasn't right. So we haven't mentioned it again, and just carried on as friends. I like to think that I've put an end to that now.
Between November and December there was an empty patch. Nothing really going on. I was focussed on work which was good, and I spent a lot of time rehearsing for Oliver. However, there was a lack of excitement for a while. Nothing new.
Until during the final week of Oliver, when things changed. A lovely new presence came into my life. We go to the same sixth form and I had spoken to him briefly before, but no conversations were exactly memorable. He helped out with the microphones and technical side of Oliver, but seemed to spend an awful lot of time chilling backstage as well. We ended up talking a lot. And pretty soon everyone else in the cast and who was part of the team started to notice we seemed to be together every chance we got. It was electric, we just clicked. As the week went on, we got to know each other more, and started to become quite comfortable as well as tactile. The final night was amazing. And all of the cast and those involved were invited to the pub and then back to Jess' for an aftershow party. I did my best to convince Him to come along. And he did. I kissed him on the lips subtly as I grabbed my bag, and told him to find a way to meet me at the party. As the car pulls into there drive, there he is, in the boot of someone's car.
The night was fantastic. I was slightly alcohol induced, but he was not. Therefore he knew full well what he was doing. I mean, so did I, but he has no excuse. We kissed, a lot. It was gorgeous.
The next day at the Get Out felt a bit weird to start with. There was an obvious attraction between us, but was that just a one time thing? Should I talk to him? God is this awkward? Shit. I didn't spend much time with him then. I was trying to look busy moving parts of set around that stage. The idea was flying about the studio of going for a meal or something for lunch, as a final farewell kind of thing. Once we had decided on when and where, I decided to walk up the many steps to the tech area and invite him to dinner with us all. He didn't seem overly keen, but once I fluttered my eyelashes and nagged a bit, he came. And sat in a proper car seat this time. The meal was nice. Everyone was together and the mood was high. We sat next to each other and shared some chips. Once everyone decided it was time to leave, I phoned for a lift but knew it would be at least 10 minutes before someone arrived to take me home. Everyone else was already leaving, but he waited with me. Just the two of us. It was freezing cold and we were stood outside the front of this beautiful old pub. The sky was pure blue and there was frost on every surface. It was freezing and he put his arm around me. Once I looked up to smile, and eye contact was held, we kissed again. It was really, really nice.
After we got to know each other even more. The next day was the ultimate test. School. I saw him at break, and I went over to say hi. Looking back on it now I'm surprised at my confidence to just go over and talk to him, and not allow the situation to get awkward. He was sat on one of the many tables and he pulled me in. We became close. And right then and there, we kissed for the first time in front of the whole of sixth form, completely sober.
For the next few days we acted like a couple. Wanting to be together. Once people caught on, the questions started to arise and we became the talk of year 13. After spending a morning of free periods with him, his mates and several guitars, I left school to do an essay at home. I told him I was leaving, and gave his arm a squeeze as I got up. I didn't expect anything more at this point. However, he got up, brushed his guitar off on someone else, came towards me and pulled me in. As we kissed, he held me so tight, it was amazing. Without a doubt one of the hottest kisses we'd had. And possibly one of my hottest ever. It made me want more.
That night we talked about it, and what everyone else had been speculating. We decided to make it official. Hello facebook, hello world. I am listed as in a relationship, again.
Our first date took place last night. Highly anticipated, we went to the German Christmas Market after school. It was adorable. We held hands, looked at all the lights and festivity, drank mulled wine, ate chocolate apples, and sat on a stone bench talking for hours. We would ask each other random questions in turn, and be completely honest. I was shocked at his truths, but I only felt closer to him because of them. It was such an amazing night, and my heart is beating so much for him right now. This is the happiest I've been in a while.
You are my ecstasy, it's you that I'm craving.
